phoenixyinchild

it's been awhile

2007-01-31T00:49:25Z

So, it's been about 5 months or so since i've posted. i thought i'd play catch up. i don't remember what i wrote last time, so here goes everything....

i started a new job in the summer- i work at a gym down the street and basically i read a book all day while sitting behind a desk and signing people in. it's pretty easy going, but this semester has killed my hours. unless i wanted to continue being there at 5am (which turned me into a zombie by sundown... really) i had to cut back my hours. we'll see how it goes but i don't know if i'm going to stay there for this summer. i think i need an office-ish job (full time secretary or something) so that while i'm taking classes for grad school i can have a stable job that pays well too.

i'm really excited about grad school. is that too dorky of me? i'm excited to do some serious research. and hey, if i go to umbc, in the spring i can take an international research course where i go to a country in europe for a week or so and do research to compare to the U.S!!! WOOT! i can finish my masters in just three semesters with only 3 courses each semester, how freakin awesome is that? anyways, i'm excited about that. i just need to graduate in the spring and i'll be on my way.

let's see... last semester went okay i guess. i got 4 A's and 1 A-, grrrr. stupid A- pullin my gpa down for the semester. i was soooo close to my 4.0. i had a lot of psych classes and an internship at the baltimore county DSS. it was alright. i know i don't want to be a social worker anymore, but i still admire and respect those who are and want to become one. a lot of stuff happend but i can't remember it all, nor do i want to get into it.

my 21st birthday was in november and it rocked! jason got me a wii somehow and so that rocked. i had family over during the day for a shrimp and crab feast, then friends came over for the rest of the shrimp and crab and of course to play the wii. i rock the bowling game like no one's business! jason also got me the raymond game so we were throwing cows and playing the dancing games. i love my wii! hehehehe. i got jason the new zelda game for Christmas (early) and he beat it. it's like a 40hour game without the side quests! crazy, but hella fun to watch! i tried playing it, but i can't get over the controller for a real game. meh, i'm sure i'll catch on:) he also got me harvest moon (and a gamecube controller and memory card) and i am so addicted. i'm such an 8 year-old gamer. i can't handle games like gears of war but hand me something like animal crossing or harvest moon and we're good to go.

i had my breast reduction earlier this month, so that's big news. the doc took off eight pounds to get me down to a C cup. and my back pain is practically gone and so i'm happy about that. just before the surgery i did a 10min mile on the eliptical (bad knees=no tredmill), so now i'm looking forward to breaking that record. okay, i know it's not like olympic awesome, but for me... a 10min mile is awesome. i'm still recovering from the surgery, so i'm still sore and haven't even been able to get back on the eliptical (or in the gym really) b/c it hurts too much. all in good time i suppose.

this semester is going to be fun. it's my last undergrad semester!!! yay for may 25th at 2pm! i have mainly sociology classes this semester. internship II, social problems, research methods (for sociology this time), deviant behavior, and intro to the exceptional child (the only psych course). i have my favorite professor for 2 of them and one i've had before and liked for another. my psych class is going to suck but it is what it is. i think the info would be interesting but the professor is annoying and the syllabus is all confusing. i hope she puts her power points online! today, i wrote down all my tests, assignments, and papers in my daily planner while she explained the same thing (which wasn't hard to grasp) for 20 min! gah! oh well... i'll just keep thinkgin "i only have til may... i'll never have her again... just stick it out til may! all you need to do is pass!!!"

well, i think that's about it. OH, i've been reading a lot this past month, but what else is new... i went to borders the other night and had to pick up 4 more books that i'm interested in... some chuck palahniuk, the kite runner, and the secret life of bees. btw, the memory keeper's daughter was good, and palahniuk's lulliby is freakin awesome! i have a list of more books i want... but i had to limit myself to only 4... well, til next time, i'm out. later... peace <3

new journal

2006-08-26T01:20:54Z

i never really check lj anymore, so to those that may check mine... i've switched journals. http://phoneixyinchild.blogspot.com/ is my new journal and i'll try to post on it at least once a month.

phoenixyinchild @ 2005-08-25T00:06:00

2005-08-25T04:09:57Z

for now, i'm just gonna say... i love my job, i love jason, and life is going really great. i'm reading the lemony snicket's series "a series of unfortunate events" and it's so cute. i'm on book three, and i just started the other day. there are 11 out right now, the 12 is comin soon, and there are going to be 13 in total. i'm learning a lot at work, like how to make good coffee and coffee like drinks, and a lot about books. i love workin at borders!!! but yeah... that's about it right now. i'm sure i'll write more some time later.... OH, btw, i am actually lookin forward to school starting... anyways, i took a cute quiz, and this is what it said...

Your #1 Match: INFJ

The Protector

You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.
Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.
You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.
You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.

You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

Your #2 Match: ENFJ

The Giver

You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed.
Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.
Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down.
You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine.

You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

Your #3 Match: INFP

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

What's Your Personality Type?

hehehehe see, i should be a psychologist, it said so in the 3rd one! muhahaha... later, peace <3

i'm the new cafe' girl!!!

2005-08-05T21:17:08Z

just wanted to post that i have a job!!! borders called today and offered me the cafe position at borders! WOOT!!! i'm so excited!!! the guy said he'd call back either later today or tomorrow to talk about my orrientation date and time. well, i just wanted to let ppl know that i'll be the cafe girl at borders!!! ::SQUEE::

cliffnotes to my life...

2005-08-04T04:09:09Z

well, there's a lot to say, but i don't feel like writing it all down, so lemme just give cliff notes...

- today i quit my job at rfc. it went fine, i'm okay, life will go on as we know it.
- i'm waiting to hear back from borders.
- i'm home for a lil while b/c i need to spend time with my family.
- i've been stressed out a lot lately, mainly over my job, but also b/c of other things, which is why i'm home.
- i called my friend the other day and it sounded like she could not have cared less that i was even alive. this made me feel like crap.
- i'm ready for school to start back up, i need something stable.
- i saw wedding crashers and it was GREAT!!!
- i finished harry potter 6 and cried. sooo, i'm re-reading the 4th one b/c the movie is comin out in nov.
- i'm also reading the davinci code. it's really good so far, but i haven't read much.
- i still love my shuffle!!!
- and i'm still so very inlove with jason, that will never change... <3

okay, well, that's about it really. i should do cliffnotes more often i think. anyways, i'm gonna surf around online for a bit and wait for jason to get home from work... i'll write again sometime, i guess. later... peace <3

::shuffles around the room::

2005-07-23T15:17:05Z

okay, not much going on. i'm done my summer classes, both of which i earned an A in:) i found out i am on the dean's list for last semester, cuz i rock! i have a job, which sux, so i'm applying at other places... so far, i've only had time to apply to circuit city and borders. borders said that they're not really hiring right now, but i figured i'd give it a shot. cc said since i had experience, i should get a call back, which rocks!

other than that, not too much going on. i got an ipod shuffle!!! ::does a shuffle dance around the room:: it's so cute and lil!!! too bad i can't get it to work >_< LOL. it says something about how i'm not putting into a high powered usb port or something, and when i asked jason, he said he didn't know what it was talking about. i need to look it up and figure it out, but oh well. it's so cute! lol.

uhhhh i got into that sociology class i've been buggin about. i have it mon/wed next semester. i'm trying to find a way that i can cut back on some of the classes. i am signed up for 19 credits, and i'm starting to think that 19 credits, a job, and an apartment might be too much to handle... i think i'm gonna drop the women's studies class. it's at night >_< i already have my one psych class at night, on thursday nights. maybe i'll take a class or two in the winter too so i don't have to stress out so much durring the school year with a million classes.

well, like i said not too much going on. rach had her crab feast/bday get together, which was fun. i see jason more often now, which is nice. but i never get to see my panda, who i miss. i emailed her the other day, but i haven't gotten a responce back yet:( i dunno... well, i'm gonna go clean up my messy apartment before work. later... peace <3

phoenixyinchild @ 2005-06-19T10:14:00

2005-06-19T14:23:16Z

i had the best day yesterday like... EVER! jason came down to see me!!! it was our 2 year anniversary, and it couldn't have been better. we went to play putt putt golf (i say we tied, he thinks i won... whatever). then he kinda showed me how to actually HIT a golf ball for like.... the driving range, AND I HIT SOME!!! one went like... 109 yards or somethin! it was great! so then we come back here and i look up the melting pot's phone number to see if we have to make reservations or if we can just show up, yeah.... they were booked. oh well, jason was happy b/c he didn't seem to be interested in the idea of fondue anyways... SOOOO i look up phillips seafood at the inner harbor. we got directions (that sucked!) and we got all dressed up for the night. i got a new pair of shoes (the uber high heeled kind with the tiny point) and wanted to wear them for the special occasion. sooooo we got all dressed up, get in the car, and head out. as said, the directions SUCKED! we ended up driving through a lot of bmore... which made jason a not so happy camper. but we finally saw the inner harbor, but then there was the issue of parking >_< we found some though, that wasn't TOO far away. we park, and then we started walkin. don't get me wrong, the heels were cute as all get out, but they kinda hurt, and i wasn't even to the resturant yet:( by the time we get there, there was a HUGE line. jason was like "i have a feeling it's gonna take an hour to be seated" which wasn't kool b/c i was in new shoes, that i've never walked in before b/c i never thought i had enough balance and all to walk in staleto's (sp???). well, we ended up only bein in line for like.... 20 or so min. not too bad. the line was moving pretty fast. so we get seated, and everything on the menu is expensive... and there's a kid behind jason that's like screaming, and it's actually a loud and busy kinda place. i was hopeing it'd be more like a quite, peaceful, romantic place, but yeah, it wasn't peaceful and quite. BUT i had a blast, i had some really good fish (halibit) and the night was just a lot of fun. i had such a great time!

well, now i'm getting ready to go to atlantic city with mom and dad for a few days. i'll be back wed. nightish i bet. i've already packed, i just have to do a few last things like put fish feeders in the tank and all. well, i hope everyone had as much fun this weekend as i had (and will have today). i'll write about the trip when i get back:) later... peace <3

meh

2005-06-17T11:55:04Z

i'm heading to work, but i haven't updated in forever! a lot of things are happening, but i'll write them all later sometime. if i ever have the time. i'm finding that 2 summer classes and a new job are harder to handle than i thought. i have no time to myself anymore. no time to do things that i really want/need to do. grocery shopping is a joke, i have no time... i haven't been able to clean up my room, and that's getting to me... and i feel so stressed that i just wanna go to bed and sleep for 2 days or so. BUT there is an up side... jason and my 2 year anniversary is this sat. so he's coming down to spend it with me. i'm trying to think of some nice things for us to do. i'd LOVE to go to the national aquarium, but i have a feeling that won't happen... that and i wanna go some place uber nice for dinner... that might happen. we'll see. AND, on sunday, i'm headed to atlantic city with my parents:) i can't wait to see my mom and dad gamble a lil. we're also gonna go to a rainforest cafe' up there somewhere sometime b/c i can get my awesome discount there:) but yeahhhhh. i have to head to work soon >_< and i doubt i'll get off til after 4... but blah. having off for the next couple of days will be awesome!!! so yeah, i'm gonna jet. after i get home tonight, i might write more. peace <3

once again, it's been awhile

2005-06-01T18:47:43Z

so yeah, i haven't really updated in a long time. but whatever. i just found my fingernail polish remover... it's on my desk, in plain view. HAHAHA (okay, well, paige and jackie will get it...) well, since a lot of things have happend, i'm just gonna hit main points.

1) i got the job at rainforest cafe. i had 4 days of training which overlapped my soci. class like every day but one... but yeah, yesterday we had to take "the test" and i just called in and i passed! which means i had to have had a 90% or better. whatever. i thought i was gonna have trouble fillin out the seating chart, but it was a breeze. so yeah now i'm a hostess at rfc... which is fun, kinda. the chick that was training us said she had been working there for a year and a half, so maybe after i work there a while, i can train people. who knows. maybe i won't be there that long, but whatever. it pays well now, and that's good. the other thing is, after being there awhile, i might serve... meh. i wanna get use to how things work first. but yeah.... i have a job:) i work friday sat and sun... what joy. they had me scheduled for today, but like.... i have class like an hour after they had me written down... so there's no way i can work, so allison and i switched.

2) jason got the job at citi!!! he starts training on the 6th (monday) and i'm so excited for him:) it's 6 months of training though >_< wtf is up with that? whatever. it's paying more than my job! lol. but yeahhhh. he and panda will be going through training together, so that's kool. at least they have a friend so they can keep each other awake. i wonder how patrick is gonna get to work and all if panda is going there too, but hours earlier, and she won't be back til after he had to have been at work? meh... not my problem, just a thought. i'm sure they'll think of something.

3) panda emailed jason, desi, me and some other people while she was at her aunt and uncle's in colorado!!! i'm so jealous! lol. i'm sure she's having fun... i just checked my mail, and i got a postcard from her:) it has a pix of "the big easel, van gogh project, goodland, kansas" how kool is that? but yeahhh i miss my panda so much. maybe one weekend, when i'm not working so much, she can come down here and stay with me if i'm not working too much. it seems like rfc needed people for weekends. but whatever. i might just tell them that i don't mind working other days, but i'd like tues/thursday off, it'd just make it all easier. meh. so yeah.... panda. i miss her, and i hope she's getting the break that she deserves so much!

4) desi IM'ed me yesterday and told me that she had a miscarry. it's so sad. her and nate have been trying since they were married, but no luck. and once they got pregnant, it ended shortly after. she said that they might go to a specialist or something to see what they can do. desi's gonna be an awesome mom!

5) speakin of babies, nicki had her lil boy a while ago. chase willams roberts i believe is his name. i can't wait to see them. i haven't seen nicki since like... she was 8 months pregnant or something. but yeah, i wanna she her kid too:) i'm sure he's cute. i still have to give her her baby shower gift. HAHAHA i made it forever ago, i hope it still fits and all. it's a baby blanket for the baby, and some yarn and needles for her to make one herself.

6) so monday was memorial day... so i went to hang out with josh and rach. got to their place around 12, traffic was fine.... go there, went to subway for a quick sub... then rach went to the mall, josh and i went to target for a few things, then back to the apartment to wait on rach. she got back, we chilled for a lil while as we waited on josh cuz he was fixing the sink.... left for levi's for bbq... it had been a few hours, so we grabed a hamburger from the grill.... then chilled for awhile..... then headed to buffalo wings and beer (which i think is what was built by outback).... so we meet up with bowman and rach's mom/step dad.....so teh 7 of us are there, and it's totally cramped. no way is it handicap accessable. you couldn't really walk through the eisle, let alone like a person in a wheel chair. but whatever..... so i get up to walk to the bathroom, and people are sitting in the eisle. keep in mine most the people are drinking and eatting wings while watching an o's game (meh, not into baseball) but yeah, so i'm walking... and i trip, but catch myself.... but then trip again.... cuz i have no place to put my ffeet!!!! fall, on ellbows and knees!!! everyone looked as bowman jumped up to help me up. so i'm standing up, josh pops his head in (b/c he was in the other room playing pool with levi)... and was like "did you just fall?" and when i shook my head yes, he grabed my arm and pulled me in the other room and told me to take this shot for him.... don't get me wrong, i was fine with leaving the room where i just fell, but i had to go to the restroom, and josh is like "take this shot" lol. yeah, i stink at pool so he had me do it like 4 times.... til i said fuck it and went to the chick's room and like, half cried from embarassment >_< so now i have to brused up knees, my right elbow hurts, and so does my pride. BUT.... the rest of the night was fine. i shot more pool with josh, he taught me how to properly aim or something.... got the bill, which was more than he thought it was b/c people kept ordering pitchers of beer (eww) and went to bowmans.... rach got really drunk (like mean drunk....) and started to fall asleep as josh and i were playing darts (btw, i need a dart board!!!! it's so much fun!) and yeah, once rach started to fall asleep, we started to go home... and when we got to josh and rach's i headed home myself cuz my car was at their place. but yeah... i had a blast, and now i just gotta find a dartboard:)

well, that's all i can think of right now... i'll write more sometime. i think i'm gonna head to the center of the arts and throw clay til class after getting some lunch. later.... peace <3

i grew up in a small town...

2005-05-24T13:23:45Z

i got this idea from a friend's journal. she did "maryland" and "baltimore" well, this is for a small town. and yeah, more than half of them are true!!! lol...

You Know You're From a Small Town When...

The "road hog" in front of you on Main Street is a farmer's combine.

The local phone book has only one yellow page.

Third Street is on the edge of town.

You leave your jacket on the back of the chair in the cafe, and when you go back the next day, it's still there, on the same chair.

You don't signal turns because everyone knows where you're going, anyway.

No social events can be scheduled when the school gym floor is being varnished.

You call a wrong number and they supply you with the correct one.

Everyone knows all the news before it's published; they just read the hometown paper to see whether the publisher got it right.

The city limits signs are both on the same post!

The City jail is called amoeba, because it only has one cell.

The McDonalds only has one Golden Arch.

The one-block-long Main Street dead ends in both directions.

Second Street is in the next town over.

There's no place to go that you shouldn't.

A "Night on the Town" takes only 11 minutes.

The mayor had to annex property to eat a foot-long hot dog.

The New Year's baby was born in October.

Running from the cops consists of hiding in the cornfield.

You have to name six surrounding towns to explain to people where you're from.

You have to drive five miles out in the country to smoke a cigarette.

Headline news is who grew the biggest vegetable this year.

There is no point in high-school reunions because everyone knows what everyone else is doing anyway.

Driving cars up and down the main drag is a universal high school experience.

You can name everyone you graduated with.

You know what 4-H is.

You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road.

You said the 'f' word and your parents knew within the hour.

You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't - same goes with the game warden.

You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting.

School gets canceled for state sporting events.

You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were and if you were old enough, they would still tell your folks.

When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out to the country and drive back roads to smoke them.

You were ever in the Homecoming parade.

You have ever gone home for Homecoming.

It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.

You had senior skip day.

The whole school went to the same party after graduation.

You don't give directions by street names or references (turn by Nelson's house, go two blocks to the Anderson's turn left and it's four houses left of the football field).

The golf course had only 9 holes

You can't help but date a friend's ex-girlfriend.

Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.

You think kids that ride skateboards are weird.

The town next to you is considered "trashy" or "snooty" but is actually just like your town.

Getting paid minimum wage is considered a great job.

You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as "rich" people.

The people in the city dress funny, then you pick up on the trend a few years later.

You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday.

Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the feed store.

You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town.

Football coaches suggest that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.

Directions are given using "the" stop light as a reference

The city council meets at the coffee shop.

Your letter jacket was worn after your 19th birthday.

You have ever taken a trailer or dog to school on a daily basis.

Weekend excitement involves a trip to the grocery store.

Even the ugly people enter beauty contests.

You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride.

Your teachers call you by your older siblings names.

Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.

You can charge at all the local stores.

The closest McDonald's is 45 miles away.

So is the closest mall.

It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower.

Everyone who played sports had to play on every type of team, or there wouldn't be enough people to have a team.

Being able to hit a road sign with a beer bottle while driving down the highway is considered a necessary skill.

A cool vehicle had big tires or a bad-ass stereo.

You can remember when your town finally got cable.

Driving to the party on a four wheeler is quite normal.

You thought the 30-year-old guy that still was at all the parties was cool.

The town population increases by one-third when the universities go on break.

The best burgers in town are at the rink.

You know exactly where to go when the party is at "the lake".

You lost your virginity at a bush party.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from a small town.

Get Your Own "You Know You're From" Meme Here

More cool things for your blog at
Blogthings

well i have class at 11, and i'll probably get there early.... so i might write more then. if not... i have a busy night, so we'll see. later... peace <3

i need a job like it's my job!

2005-05-18T03:58:49Z

no really, i need a job. i feel lazy or something. SOOOO yesterday, after my final and lunch with paige and jackie, we decide to go get some applications. jackie had some photo stuff to do, and so i helped paige pack up a lil (sorry guys, but that's something i'll never miss. packing everything up like every 3 months to move back and forth). so yeah, paige and i made a list of places to get applications. i went to rite aid first b/c i went home to change shirts and decided to work my way back towards towson so we could get jackie. so rite aid, then target. that took forever and a day. ya have to fill it out on a computer there!?! yeah, 60 mc questions and stuff like that... took forever! by the time we were done, so was jackie. so we go pick her up, and head to the mall. i got like 10 applications or something. the whole time, we're all starving!!! so i try and hurry as fast as possible, but that's just not working. the guy at rainforest seemed like he realllly needed a hostess and said to drop by tomorrow between 2-5 to drop off the app. sooooo paige, jackie, and i ran out for dinner at the towson dinner, and i took them home. i feel really bad b/c i suggested it, and i forgot that it was pricey. i use to just get like A bagel, or like A grilled chesse, but we were all so hungry it was like... appatizer, dinner, and drinks.... so yeah, it was more than i thought it was >_<. but yeah, then i got to go home and fill out the applications like a million times (b/c they're the same thing!!!). i filled out hallmark, bath and body works, godiva, lindt, rainforest cafe, rite aid, and target. so yeah... that was yesterday/last night...

so this morning, i wake up in the idea of going to the gym, but that didn't happen :( so i get ready to go to return these applications instead. paige and jackie wanted to be back early enough to study and finish up some projects, so i said i'd have them back around 6. (which i did, b/c i dropped paige off infront of her dorm AT 6... go me!) so yeah... we got together, and head towards the mall. i go to the rainforest cafe first b/c they said i needed to be there between 2-5 and it was like... 3ish. so yeah, i go there and some lady does an interview, and i know i said all the wrong things, but she still said go wait here and a guy will come out to see me and talk about things. SOOOO i wait, and a guy comes. he asks about my work history and stuff, and how soon i can work (which is on my application, but whatever) and says that he'd be right back. so he talked to 2 other girls, left and came back with some forms. he asked the one girl to come back next week... and as she walked away she's like "well, i hope you get the job at least... lata..." she seemed nice though. so then the guy talks to some chick and gives her a packet, and i see he has another, so i wonder what it is, assuming that the other packet is for me. and it was, b/c he comes over and gives it to me and tells me to come back on tuesday wearing basically the uniform. sooooo i have a feeling that means i got the job. so i thanked him and said "i'll see ya tuesday" and we went our seperate ways. so i meet back up with jackie and paige to go turn in all my other applications. (they went to the food court while i went to rainforest b/c i had a feeling they were gonna wanna do an interview.) so then we go to drop off all the other applications. we end up at Lindt... paige was lookin around for something to buy her mom and dad and the guy was like NON STOP BUGGIN HER. NOT KOOL! even after she said "i'm just lookin" and "no, i'm okay" he kept on asking if he could help. talk about over eager to make a sale... jerk. but yeah, that was stupid. i don't think i wanna work there if they pressure customers to buy things so much. but whatever. who knows. OH, and when i went into bath and body works, the lady told me to call later and ask for a women who would set me up with an interview tomorrow. sooooo i called her, and she said to show up a lil before 11 and all that jazz for an interview. sooooo i think my choices have come down to bath and body works or rainforest cafe'. any suggestions would be greatly appriciated... ::Hint hint:: i mean... b & bw- my mom and i shop there all the time, i could use the discount for gifts and such, and i've worked in retail before, so i'm familiar with the cash register and some selling.... BUT, like panda said, i might get a headach from the fumes all day.... or i could just get use to it... meh. and it probably/may only pay min. wage... meh... RFC- different environment, kool fish, cute lil store, pays more than i'm use to an entry lvl job paying... BUT, a friend (rachel) told me that her roomies and friends quit there b/c they hated it so much... management problems... so i dunno >_< so hard to decide. i think i'm just gonna do this interview tomorrow, see how it goes, find out the starting pay, and go from there.

anyways.... i have a job!!! at least at rainforest cafe. if b&bw doesn't work out, i can at least fall back on rfc... but who knows. anyways, i'm gonna head to bed. i wanna wake up early and such. i'll write more later sometime. maybe after my summer classes start (monday) to write about those...

btw, panda's 20th bday is friday!!! yayyy!!!

okay, just one more... it's cute

2005-05-12T02:51:32Z

okay... this is it. then i'm going to go read a book til i fall asleep. so yeah, this quiz is so right!!!!

The Scholar!

What was your job in a past life? (LOTS of results & Anime Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

isn't it? duh! i value knowledge like... it's my job! hehehe. aight. i'm gonna go read. later... peace <3

2 more quizes, then i'm headin to bed.

2005-05-12T02:45:35Z

yonked from paige ^_^

Your eye color is dark blue. You rely on your logic
solely, and may have more mature interests than
many of your friends and family your age. You
can sometimes also be interverted and lonely
from a lack of understanding with people, and
can be rather frustrated with some types of
folke. Some may describe you as cold and
distant, and you are honest with how you feel
about things.

What Color Eyes Should You Have? ( With Anime Pictures ^-^ )
brought to you by Quizilla

and another quiz i took.

Athena

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

okay, i'm done with the quizes....

well, i am having a pretty good week so far. but i'm gonna jet. i wanna get to bed early b/c i have a japanese test in the morning >_<

btw, Precious is doing better... she's starting to come around more:) that just makes me happy... well, later... peace <3

i can't drink energy drinks >_

2005-05-05T03:23:52Z

i can never drink an energy drink again. it was just too much for me last night. i had to revise a paper i wrote and it was going to take forever. plus i had to read 20 some odd pages of boring crap and write a review for it. OH, and i ahd to do a million other things... so i drank an energy drink around 8ish or so and at 1 am i was still flippin out. i was paranoid that someone was in my house, lurking in the dark, waiting to kill me. sounds crazy right? yeah... it seemed possible at the time. Plus, once i finally got to sleep, i had horrible night mares. the first was about my parents being mad at me, so i went to some guy's house, started drinking while walkin around and talking to people about how upset i was, and people were swimming in a pool. next thing i know, my parents show up and start asking what i was drinking. i said it was just some gingerale or something, but they knew better. so we started arguing again and they told me that they hated me and disowned me and never wanted to see me again. if you don't know me very well, just picture the world falling apart and you're getting blamed for it. my family is my world and their approval is so important to me, you have no idea. ANYWAYS... the dream was horrible, and i woke up in a deep sweat practically crying. so, i got a drink (in real life) and sat in bed for a lil while before falling asleep again. this time, only to have a more confusing dream. i was in italy on some school trip, and everyone had a really pretty accent. everyone was dressed in cute summer dresses with a glass of wine in their hand. some girl, who i am assuming was my friend, and i went exploring and found a door. turns out it is some secret door that leads to some legendary building that no one knows how to get into. so yeah, i had my camera on me, and we were still running around in those dresses. we decide there were too many people and we'd go back that night to find out more about the place. sooo, we go (camera still at hand) and since it's so dark, i have to use my flash to light the place up.... i dunno. then we heard gaurds screaming in italian about how they had to find us (i don't speek italian, but i knew what they were sayin for some reason) well, we found another door and we had to walk through some wet tunnel/basment deal to get to the building or whatever. turns out we were in some walled in area that was beside the building. gaurds were walking ontop of the wall with guns. we didn't know why they were so heavily armed, and we started to get scared. next thing i know, i hear horrible screams and then gaurds yelling "shoot it!!!" and gun fire went off. i had no idea what they were shooting at, but when the girl and i turned around, we saw a gate open that was closed a min ago. so we pasted that and tried to walk into the building, but, there was something there. if you've ever played fable, it was exactly like the boulverines (sp?). if you haven't played fable.... it was like a really scarey warewolf deal. it attacked the girl and i and we were dying. no one was even trying to save us... and then my alarm clock goes off. i have no idea why i had the dreams, but the only thing that was different yesterday was that i had that energy drink, and it messed with my head while i was awake, so i don't doubt that it messed with my head while i was asleep. so yeah, no more energy drinks for me.

a lot of stress has built up on me in the past week or so, and i'm just starting to work through some of it. a lot of it has to do with school, but not all of it. i dunno. i just thought i'd mention something.... whatever.

well, i'm gonna go read a lil before bed. hopefully to calm me down or something... sweet dreams to all, and to all a good night.

phoenixyinchild @ 2005-04-24T00:21:00

2005-04-24T04:22:59Z

i stole this from paige.... and took the "quiz" myself.... this is soooooo not me!

Dance the night away by karchan85
Name
What you Look like
The Music	Classical

Quiz created with MemeGen!

meh. anyways, uh... stuff happend today, really fun. but i'll write more later. i'm sleepy... good night. peace <3

it was hot last night, which isn't kool

2005-04-20T14:22:53Z

so yeah, yesterday was fun. katy and iain came over and we sat around playing with precious and laughing at how cute she is. then they left and i did some stuff and took a million online quiz thingys, which was fun. but yeah... the apartment was really warm yesterday, so i turned on some fans... but it was still too warm... but i figured if i have a fan pointed right at me and turned on high, i would be okay. WRONG. i had bad dreams all last night. i kept waking up like every 2 hours or so and my cat kept flippin out b/c every time i woke up she thought it was like time to get up and moving and time for her to get some attention and food. no... it was time for me to figure out a way to get some sleep. but that didn't happen, so i have a feeling tonight i'm just gonna crash. i have to give back the cable modem that comcast left behind tomorrow to someone that drops by. problem is i dunno WHEN he's coming. it can be anytime between 8-12. WIDE time frame. oh well, i'll get some reading done or something. but yeahhhh.... that's tomorrow. thing is i think i'm gonna miss japanese (b/c i've never had a cable guy show up like... ya know, when you WANT them to...) but anyways... tonight paige, and maybe jackie, and i are gonna make a taco run. that's gonna be fun. but yeah.... i have class at 11... and it's almost 10.30, so i guess i should turn in the lap top (that i'm borrowing at paws) and head towards class. i still haven't had time to do the reading, so i dunno how much i'll understand today. the first chapter is just so boring, i can't ever seem to read without like falling asleep. i dunno, i hope it picks up b/c it looks like it should be a good book. oh well... i'm gonna jet. i'll write later maybe. peace <3

ha, i said there would be more...

2005-04-20T02:48:02Z

You scored as Angel. Angel: Angels are the guardians of all things, from the smallest ant to the tallest tree. They give inspiration, love, hope, and positive emotion. They live among humans without being seen. They are the good in all things, and if you feel alone, don't fear. They are always watching. Often times they merely stand by, whispering into the ears of those who feel lost. They would love nothing more then to reveal themselves, but in today's society, this would bring havoc and many unneeded questions. Give thanks to all things beautiful, for you are an Angel.

</td>

Angel

84%

Mermaid

67%

Faerie

67%

Dragon

50%

WereWolf

Demon

What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!)
created with QuizFarm.com

and another...

You scored as Hermione Granger. You're one intelligent witch, but you have a hard time believing it and require constant reassurance. You are a very supportive friend who would do anything and everything to help her friends out.

</td>

Hermione Granger

95%

Harry Potter

85%

Remus Lupin

80%

Sirius Black

75%

Albus Dumbledore

75%

Ginny Weasley

70%

Ron Weasley

65%

Severus Snape

45%

Draco Malfoy

45%

Lord Voldemort

25%

Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...?
created with QuizFarm.com

AND ANOTHER!!!

You scored as Russia. Better get a bear skin hat and some vodka cause your returning to the motherland! Russia is the place for you, just make sure no one remembers your an ex-KGB officer and keep control of the media and you'll be great!

</td>

Russia

63%

Not the Dictator Type

50%

Cuba

19%

Pakistan

19%

North Korea

What country should you be dictator of?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as A Too Sweet Faerie. So sweet your totally sugared up! Has there ever been anyone so nice. Quick to forgive and quick to forget, everybody wants to know you! You've just got to make sure nobody takes advantage and tries to use you, don't be afraid to say no sometimes!

See All Results/Comment

</td>

A Too Sweet Faerie

100%

A Too Astral Faerie

70%

A Too Sporty Faerie

60%

A Too Depressed Faerie

55%

A Too Silly Faerie

55%

A Too Lazy Faerie

55%

A Too Serious Faerie

40%

A Too Kinky Faerie

25%

A Too Evil Faerie

15%

Which Dysfunctional Faerie are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

okay... really, i'm done for now....

well, i had a pretty good day. katy and iain came over for a bit... and tomorrow i'm doing a taco run with paige and jackie. that should be fun:) OH, and we have to go to target too. OH, and i might go to petco to get fish. LOL but yeah.... i'm gonna jet. later.... peace <3

another quiz.... i'm sure there will be more...

2005-04-20T01:59:29Z

You scored as Utilitarianism. Your life is guided by the principles of Utilitarianism: You seek the greatest good for the greatest number.

“The said truth is that it is the greatest happiness of the greatest number that is the measure of right and wrong.”

--Jeremy Bentham

“Whenever the general disposition of the people is such, that each individual regards those only of his interests which are selfish, and does not dwell on, or concern himself for, his share of the general interest, in such a state of things, good government is impossible.”

--John Stuart Mill

More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page...

</td>

Utilitarianism

85%

Existentialism

80%

Hedonism

80%

Justice (Fairness)

65%

Divine Command

55%

Kantianism

50%

Strong Egoism

30%

Apathy

10%

Nihilism

What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with QuizFarm.com

so i should be a budist... tell me something i don't know....

2005-04-20T01:40:10Z

You scored as Buddhism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Buddhism. Do more research on Buddhism and possibly consider becoming Buddhist, if you are not already.

In Buddhism, there are Four Noble Truths: (1) Life is suffering. (2) All suffering is caused by ignorance of the nature of reality and the craving, attachment, and grasping that result from such ignorance. (3) Suffering can be ended by overcoming ignorance and attachment. (4) The path to the suppression of suffering is the Noble Eightfold Path, which consists of right views, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right-mindedness, and right contemplation. These eight are usually divided into three categories that base the Buddhist faith: morality, wisdom, and samadhi, or concentration. In Buddhism, there is no hierarchy, nor caste system; the Buddha taught that one's spiritual worth is not based on birth.

</td>

Buddhism

92%

Christianity

79%

Islam

71%

Paganism

63%

agnosticism

58%

Hinduism

54%

Satanism

50%

Judaism

50%

atheism

17%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

huston, we have lift off...

2005-04-16T14:59:05Z

I HAVE THE INTERNET!!! yay. too bad it took me like an hour on the phone with like a semi tech support guy to fix it. yeah... the comcast guy comes and hooks up my tv... kool. i only get like a few channels (like a million c-spans and uspn or something. oh well...) but then we go back to my computer. figure this should only take like 10-15 min. hahahaha. more like 45ish! he hooks up MY modem (which jason gave me) and it pulls an IP. kool. too bad that IP already belongs to some other guy like in towson off york road. I am in cockysville.... off york road. soooo if it stays that way, he gets billed my bill or something, and comcast can't have that. so.... the guy figures it's the modem. so he hooks up one from comcast which i'd have to rent for like $3.00 a month, which is stupid, and blah. so he hooks it up, goes through the process again... and it pulls the same IP address. so ha, it's not the modem, it's something wrong with comcast or something. ::sticks tounge out at comcast:: so the guy is like, "i dunno what to tell you. maybe go buy a new modem and hook it up and all." hahaha NO! we have one that works. it pulls an IP and it is fine online. sooooo it's not my fault. so, the guys leaves the comcast modem hooked up and i pay him and he goes on his way. so i'm left trying to figure out if i have to buy a new modem or if i can use the one jason gave me. keep in mind i know little about computers really, so i'm reallllly confused. all i know is i shouldn't have the same IP address as some dude like 20 some min away from me. it's not like we're networked or anything. grrr. so yeah... i call comcast figuring they could help me out. i got some guy who didn't know what to tell me so he gave me another number to call. then i get some chick who doesn't know what the hell is going on so she sends me to a guy. THIS guy knows what the hell to do! yayyyy. so he has me read off some numbers... unplug stuff and plug other stuff in and read more numbers... and then he puts me on hold. he gets back tell me to check the IP address, it's the same, so i'm put on hold.... this process goes on for a lil while... and then i'm put on hold AGAIN! but, i am patient b/c he's the guy that can fix this... and he does!!! kinda. i still have the same IP address, but he said that it's worked out and that i shouldn't worry about it. that and he got my modem to work on their system and all, which rocks. now some comcast guy is just gonna come back and get the modem they left here. they better not charge me for it. ::Growl:: but yeah. it works now! and i'm using the modem jason gave me... so i didn't have to buy a new one! so yeah... that's the cable deal.

other than that, everything is going well. mom and dad are going to come by later today and bring some stuff with them. like the dinning room table, the end tables, the fish tank, a tv for the living room... and then dad and i are going to put together the book shelves. woot! i just gotta figure out where i'm gonna put em. but yeah, that'll be nice:) so yeah, a lot of things have been going pretty well. i keep having some weiiiird dreams, but oh well. and precious keeps biting me to wake me up, but i think she's getting the idea that i don't enjoy it as much as she does b/c she didn't this morning. she just kinda purred a lot and laid down with me. but she purred so loud it woke me up. but yeah.... i guess that's not so bad:)

so yeah... I HAVE THE INTERNET!!! so yeah, i'm set:) well, i'm gonna go grab a shower and get some laundry done, read a lil, and wait for my parents. later... peace <3

and people started playing telephone!

2005-04-13T14:14:52Z

so today i have to give my speech. and no, i'm not giving out water. i think i've said before what it's about, but uh... it's about the trail of tears. president andrew jackson forced like... all the cherokees to move to oklahoma, but they had to walk all the 1200 miles. over 4000 cherokees died durring this time. SO, i thought it would be an interesting informative speech. i made a lil poster... have some note cards... have a book to show the class... now if i can just keep my voice from doing that shakey thing, i'll be fine. it's weird... but like, if i know the people for awhile... i'm fine. or if we're like at the same eye level (they're standing too, or i can sit) i'm fine. i dunno. i'm trying to be optimistic and think about how i can calm down and talk normally. i think my ticket is that i'm gonna read more from my note cards than i did for my demo speech. yeah, i taught the basics of snowboarding... which is like, duh, the easiest thing i could ever do! i mean, it is kinda my job durring the winter... but i didn't really have note cards... i just kinda memorized it... like i was teachin a class, but not. i dunno. if everyone had on snowjackets and were out on the snow, i would've been fine. but noooo i had to stand in a class room, kinda dressed up (which sux) and it was just kinda outta context. i dunno. whatever. but yeah, i have a speech today. but after i'm done that, i have to think about what i should talk about for my persuasive speech. i was thinking about how i did a paper freshman year in english (with cheesepuff) about how we should use the info that doc's learned from the experiements that hitler kinda ok'd durring the holocaust. okay, that sounds like a really cruel topic... and i am not saying what happened was okay, but i think we should learn from it, and allow it into our studies or what not so that we can learn from what happend and the deaths do not go into vain. i dunno... i think a lot of people would be offended by the topic, although my point is not to offend, but to remember. i dunno. i should find a less depressing topic i think. when i was writing the paper, it was so sad that i think i got a lil depressed writing it. i dunno. SO i need a new topic i think.

well, yesterday was interesting. japanese test (meh) and then lunch with jackie and cheesepuff! that was nice. then we went to the union store and i had to get some poster board (for the visual aids i need for my speech) and jackie had to get some TP. and then we went up to the beach area to chillax in the sun. i ran into lauren (i think that's her name, i can never remember >_<) and we talked for awhile. that was fun... but then i had to head to philosophy. i ran into cozart on the way there, and she said she needs like 6 more people to sign up for her summer class for it to happen:( not kool. i think everyone took it over the winter, and now they can't take it now. ::Growl:: oh well, i can't really do much about that other than tell people about it and that they should take it (which i have been doing)... so then there was philosophy. we talked about ethics and if it was relative or absolute. yeah... i'm going with relative. ethics apply differently in different situations. there isn't really a right or wrong for absolute certainty. but yeah... we were talkin about homosexuality (b/c that was the example in the book) and people were like getting hot. BUT, before this heated debate, we were talkin about religion (oh jesus). yeah, i think my bro and i kinda hit it one night while talking... something happend somewhere with some people, and then people just started playing telephone. i mean think about it... everyone has like some higher being that is powerful... and it all started somewhere... and stuff happend to people and all. NOW, the differences come in when the telephone started up. someone said "and then God said..." and that person passes on "and then the Gods said...." and then the next person is like "and then the Goddess told everyone...." yeah... telephone. OH, and the best part is... no one is really wrong. b/c i mean... i wasn't there when it happend, so i'm just going off what other people said. so i'm not really wrong. cuz... something happend somewhere with some people and people started playing telephone. therefore... as long as you believe that there is a higher being, somewhere... and he/she/they have power of sort... and that you should live your life as peacefully as possible (b/c i think just about everyone agrees that you should live like... a peaceful possitive life. so no killin people!) basically just live by the golden rule... do to others that you wish done to you. live by the rule as much as you can, believe that there is something higher up, and uh... yeah... you'll be okay. okay, i know that was a realllllly long explination kinda, which was just worded over and over again... but i think that it gets people to start thinkin, and that's good. so that was philosophy class...

went home, yay! played with precious for awhile, she's so cute. made some dinner and made this poster board of visual aids. typed up my outline, installed printer, and printed it out. i called mom to see if/when her and dad are comin this weekend, and i'm still not sure b/c no one ever knows when dad works on sat. so yeah, then panda called! that was great. i miss talkin to her. but yeah, we were talkin about her "interview" in thurmont. HAAHAHA yeah, it's a long story, but basically, it sucked and she's not takin the job. it doesn't pay enough to really cover the gas for her car. sooooooo no profit. no work. those are the rules that i just made up. ((i gotta watch eddie izzard again)). so then her and i were talkin about the telephone deal and that was interesting. i dunno. i can't wait til panda comes to visit me. i miss talkin to her about stuff. ::sigh::

so yeah... i get this email from a friend from clear spring (marie) and she tells me about charly mulligan's site and how i should email her. soooo i did. i miss chillin with charly too. she's a cool cat. when i left for tech, i kinda lost touch with like everyone at clear spring. i dunno. but charly's awesome. i'm just waiting for an email back.

I'M GETTING THE INTERNET AND TV ON FRIDAY!!! woot. that's the day after tomorrow! i miss being able to chat on aim and email whenever i feel like it or look stuff up and print it out! so yeah, i'm excited about that. i just hope like nbc has law and order and stuff. i dunno... that and the cable chick on the phone said i get like 20 channels. i'm trying to figure out which channels they are. maybe TNT is part of them? but knowing my luck, no. oh well.

well, i think i'm gonna go grab some breakfast, i'm actually really hungry. so i'm gonna jet. later... peace <3

she gave us water!!

2005-04-12T14:34:43Z

okay, so yesterday in my comm class, people were giving their speech and all, which was kool, but this one girl got up to give her speech and it was about water. the whole speech was kinda funny... and she reminds me a lil of nicki... but this girl is like... farther out there. but yeah... she gives everyone like a 20oz bottle of water, which rocks b/c i just got done like drinkin mine. but her conclusion was as follows "okay, so like... thanx" yeah... it was special. SHE GAVE US WATER!!! hehehehe.

okay, so i'm going through some withdrawl. 1) i have no internet at my place >_<. 2) no tv, which means no law and order, which i might not get anyways b/c i'm only getting local channels. i hope it's on like NBC or something!!! 3) i miss my panda like crazy!!! 4) i miss my kermie like crazy!!!!!! 5) i kinda miss being home a lil too. but then again, i'm makin myself a new home, which is kool. i think i might have thanxgiving at my place this year. which will be really kool. except like... i think i'm only gonna have like a 4 person table... and there will be like 6 people there. i dunno.

next thing on my list... i am kinda upset about my RD for my sociology class. not really upset AT the RD, but more at the girl who looked over it. she says she's a like... english/journalist major type deal... and so she was lookin over mine, and when i looked over to see what she was writing, i noticed she was scratching out like every other word!!! i'm not that bad of a writer!!! and besides, it's a RD... and it's a peer editing... not a peer-rewrite my paper!!! i dunno, it upset me. but yeah... then she was like "we don't like have to finish this do we? cuz i'm only on the first page..." and i think my jaw dropped to the floor and eyes poped out. she went up to the teacher and said the same thing, and my teacher was like "OMG!?" which made me feel even more like crap... I AM NOT A HORRIBLE WRITER!!! i dunno. the only thing i can think of is that she was being way too critical. i dunno... it just was upsetting.

okay, i have to give a speech tomorrow in class, which is okay, but like i think i'm gonna be talkin too long and fast, which he takes points off for. so i think tonight, i'm gonna cut out some of the info. i'm going to talk about the trail of tears... which is really interesting... but now i have to think of what i want to talk about for my persuasive speech. i think i'm gonna start researching that earlier. if anyone has any ideas... let me know.

well, i'm gonna jet. i have a japanese test at 11. so yeah... later. peace <3

what a great weekend

2005-04-11T14:42:50Z

what a perfect weekend. jason came and rescued my near-death computer... while i was typing my rough draft like whoa. he got us pizza for lunch, and then he made me dinner. fish and chips... yum. OH, and we made cake and brownies... BUT, i think the cutest thing was that he lit some candles where we sat down for dinner. it was like my first candle lit dinner type deal. ::sigh:: it was so sweet. but yeah... it was a great weekend. only thing is, i might have like... bumped the alarm switch off or something, and i woke up late:(

well, i know it's a short post, but i gotta jet to class. just thought i'd write about how wonderful my weekend was.

i'll write more later sometime...

ps... i'm getting my internet and tv hooked up on friday. yayyy, that means i'll have more time to write...

i have a home!!!

2005-04-07T15:11:14Z

so i moved in last weekend. that was fun. actually like a friday night. i brought my kitty with me which was nice. she keeps me company. even though she has this habbit of biteing me to wake me up... she's still really cute. but yeah... i have a home now!! it's super nice, i just have to get my internet hooked up and all. i'm not gonna have the internet or tv til next friday:( that's a week from tomorrow:( oh well, harry potter is a good movie to watch over and over again.

so yeah, last friday, before i moved... jason and i went to see his car, and he got to drive it home:) that was exciting. it's a really great car! i can't wait til he can come down to visit me sometime. i think he might come up sunday to help me with my computer problems. but yeah... HE HAS A CAR!!! and he went to take some test thingy at citi corp to see if he can get a job there. that'd be kinda nice i think, b/c he'd have a set schedule and more money.

okay, so i'm in japanese.... and i think i should pay attention in class... so i'll write sometime later. peace <3

it's been awhile....

2005-03-30T03:47:06Z

okay, so it's been awhile since i've written in this thing, at least on a public lvl. anyways... i guess i'll just start with whatever comes to my head first...

i got an apartment! it's like 5 miles from school which is kool. really super nice place, i just have to get some furniture in there. but yeah. it's really nice, big, open, and in a nice area... i can't wait to have some friends over. i'm gonna be livin alone with my kitty for awhile. life will tell how long that lasts. but yeah. i'm excited. my parents are helping me out a lot. they say that my grades have been pretty good and that they're proud of that, so they'll help me. josh and rach are gonna help us move in the furniture on sat which is gonna be interesting. i can't wait to see them try and get a king size bed up 2 flights of stairs in a hella narrow hallway. but yeah, i think i'm gonna move in there kinda soonish. i wanna get use to driving around here and stuff before finals start (which isn't for like a month and some but still). but yeah... that's my apartment deal. i just have to get moved in and have like a "apartment warming party" thing. yeah, poker and xbox and food... that's gonna be about it.

so yeah, spring break was fun... saw jason and panda some... got an apartment, moved stuff in, and was busy everyday all day. no down time to just chill... which sucked. but i guess it'll pay off when i'm relaxing in my apartment, petting precious (my kitten), and reading by a nice open window. ::sigh:: i can't wait. but yeah, spring break was just me going home and getting stuff packed up and all... nothing fancy. BUT jason did take me to red lobster (even though i had to bail on dinner with him and panda on tuesday night) and went to look at coffee tables. we were talkin about hope chests and how i always wanted one. he said he'd make me one.... but we'll see. i know he's always busy, so i understand if that never happens. i'll just have to put my things in a shoe box or something.

anyways... in other news... school is okay. i think that if things stay the way they are now, i will get all A's and B's this semester. that makes me feel a lil more like i'm back in highschool. i was such an A-B student... except my senior year, i busted my butt for all A's!!! it paid off. i was 3rd in my class, secretary of the honor society, vp of the SGA, and other stuff. but yeah, school is going okay, grades wise. i gave my comm speech on "basics of snowboarding" and that was alright. my voice was shaky b/c i was actually nervious, but as soon as i had everyone stand up and try it with me.... i felt like i was actually teaching, all my nerves calmed down, i spoke normally, and was having fun. but then they sat down and i got all nervous again. oh well, it was like our first real big speech. i think for my "informative" speech i'm going to talk about the trail of tears... when the cherokee nation was moved from like.. the east coast to like...oklahoma. but yeah... that's school.

speaking of school, there are things that are getting to me, and i don't know why. when i was in high school, i joked of going to a college on the other end of the US so i could move farther away. yeah, i'm glad i didn't. i wish there was a school like this closer to hagerstown. i miss everything about home. it's not just home sickness, it's everything sickness. i can't see the stars, and that's something i've grown up admiring. i fell inlove with jason while layin in a hamock, staring at the stars, talkin the night away. i mean, i grew up surrounded by farm fields, the closest mall was over 20 min away... and when i had to run some errands, i had to "go to town" to do so... i miss being isolated and enwrapped in peace and quite. i'm sick of hearing sirens in the middle of class, i'm sick of hearing people screamin for no reason down my hall, i'm sick of people around here being so stuck up. i miss how people were so nice at home. you knew everything about everyone and their family... right down to their dog's name and who their granddad sold the farm too and for how much. you can't get that richness in this city. people look at me as though i'm some hick who can't think for herself. some girl who is just some small fish in such a large ocean. i'm sick of it. i'm not any of that. i just miss my home town. i miss how geniune, how pure, how clean it is. not only do i miss my lil town of clear spring, i miss my friends. friends who knew more about me than i did. i miss my panda and kermie. not to mention pokey, desi, nicki, hobbit, turtle, josh, hell even phil. i miss sitting around the table talkin all philosophically and not ever like arguing about it. i feel like it's all my fault i feel this way though. i'm the one that left everyone, i'm the one that went so far away, i'm the one that never gets to come home b/c i'm too busy with school work. i'm so sick of being so busy! spring break was just a tease. i feel like i'm a horrible person for going out with jason just to know that i never get to see him. i feel bad for like putting our relationship on hold for 2 weeks at a time just to see him for a day if i'm lucky. i feel like 'how dare i... i don't have the right to do that to him.... he deserves so much better.' same goes to all my friends. i neglect them so much. i never get to see them, talk to them, or get to hang out with them. the exception is panda, and even her i feel bad for. i wish more than anything that there was a way that i could just bring all my friends from home here and we could all just go to school together. only problem is i think we'd all skip all our classes just to talk and hang out. i could see people who really care and know about me everyday. people who know my past, who know how i think and feel, people who are practically part of my family... people who mean so much to me.... i feel so disconnected. i feel like someone just riped off all my limbs and told me to go run a marathon. but i dunno if i did this to myself, or if it's just the way it's suppose to be. i dunno. lately i've been so busy i haven't had time to talk to anyone, and it's all just building up in my head. i feel so responsible for all the things that happen to me and the people i care about. i just feel like i'm gonna break down. i dunno what to do anymore. i have to just focus on school and not think i guess. there are so many things i feel guilty for though... i dunno where to even start. i went to school far away, i never come home (or so it feels sometimes), i don't get to spend time with everyone like i would like to, when we do get to get together i always have to leave really early which messing everything up, and i can never make plans b/c i dunno what will pop up and screw everything up. i dunno.... i just feel bad about everything and i dunno how to fix it all. i make jason and panda feel like i don't trust them b/c i get jealous of how they get to spend time together, but i do trust them.... i pick stupid fights with jason over nothing really and i dunno why. he deserves so much better. i really treat him like crap sometimes... i dunno.... i'm just gonna stop cuz this is makin me realize how much of a screw up and disaster i really am. well, here's to hopeing that i can get something right tomorrow...